If you are in a relationship at the moment, you more than likely have had times where overthinking seems to be the only thing that you do. If you think that overthinking in a relationship is normal, then you might not be happy to realise that it is not the way healthy relationships work.
Overthinking can cause relationship anxiety, stop you from being in the present moment, and can have negative outcomes.
If overthinking has affected romantic relationships in the past and you would really like to know how to stop overthinking in a relationship so that you can gain control and some peace of mind, then read on for some relationship advice that may help you see things with a lot more clarity.
Bear in mind, I’m not a relationship expert or a family therapist, so if your mental health is getting affected due to your overthinking, and you really want to forge and maintain healthy relationships for your future, then you will need to seek help from a licensed therapist so they can aid you in controlling your own thoughts.
What Causes You to Overthink Things In a Relationship?
If you are not sure just yet how to stop overthinking in a relationship and you would really like to get to the bottom as to why you are doing it so you can actually have a healthy relationship without negative thoughts flying through your brain, then these may be the reason why.
You may be overthinking because of a root fear that has previously come from a past relationship, childhood issue, or because you have trust issues that manifest themselves in low self esteem. This could be causing you to overthink with your present partner and search for ‘hidden meaning’ in everything they do or say.
Not Enough Communication
A relationship is built on communication. If you do not open up and speak about your feelings as well as what you are doing (and vice versa), then that overthinking can be very high as you do not know what they are feeling.
You need to communicate to be on the same page at the right times. Otherwise, you will think up what they feel and send yourself into a spiral which will do more harm and make you feel anxious.
If your current relationship has had issues with trust, for example, they lied to you about something or they previously cheated on you and you have given them a second chance, then that is going to make you start overthinking, and imagine the worst case scenario for your relationship.
Previous Broken Trust
People overthink when a level of trust is broken, and if they still decide to stick around, no matter what the other partner tells them, there are still those scary thoughts and past experiences hanging over their heads.
Distractions are a good way to stop overthinking your relationship. When you have work or friends you are not solely focused on what your partner is doing and where they are. Even if they are loyal and they have great qualities, free time and anxiety will make anyone think that something is wrong.
Just because they are not messaging you back does not mean they are cheating, but that doesn’t stop overthinking in your mind, as you have nothing to tell you that what you are thinking isn’t true, but even if you did, you may still overthink and worry.
An Outside Perspective on How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship
So you’re overthinking in a relationship and you are looking for some relationship advice on what to do. I can tell you right now that deep breaths are an important part of this before diving in.
Hopefully, you’ll find this article helpful in your quest for closure on your overthinking, but it is important to remember that if you genuinely have worries about your relationship and all those worst case scenarios are running through your head day and night, then you will need to do something about that before it makes your head spin.
However, if you are just someone who is normally anxious when starting a new relationship and you have previously had issues with overthinking, then here are some ways on how to stop overthinking in a relationship so you can make this one better than the last.
Identify the Cause of Your Overthinking
What made you start overthinking your relationship in the first place? Was it something they said? Something they did, like not spend time with you when you wanted them to and you are wondering why?
If it is to do with one of your root fears then you need to think about why you are linking that up and if there is a way that you can approach this topic with your partner.
Talk to Your Partner
You are going to think of the worst possible outcome if you do not open up and speak to your partner about what’s bothering you. This can be hard to do, but you need to focus on the healthy way you can talk to them so you can get the answer you need.
Speak honestly. It is never easy laying yourself bare, but they are your partner and they care about why you are struggling and your mental health, don’t pull away and hide your feelings, it will only make it a lot worse and cause you to overthink more.
If they are not receptive, it may be time to think about moving away from that relationship, especially if they are invalidating your feelings.
Speak to a Relationship Expert/Family Therapist
If you both come to the conclusion that you need to speak to someone, maybe they are a person who overthinks in a relationship too, then you will need to go to an expert who can help you with your issues.
Discuss Your Overthinking in a Relationship Honestly
It can seem awkward at first but you need to remind yourself and then that you are doing this for a reason. If you are married, then you may want to speak to a licensed marriage and family therapist to hash it out, so you can figure out what is going on.
It is important to be completely open and honest with them, so taking responsibility for any issues you have brought up is key as well as discussing if this has happened in previous relationships.
Be Mindful of What You Say
It is not only your mental health that may be a worry but your partner’s mental health too, so make sure you take that into account. If you start to feel yourself overthinking and you want to go to them and unload it all, focus on taking deep breaths and grounding yourself so you can calm down.
Take Some Time Out
Go take a hot bath and make it a regular habit whenever you feel like you want to go on the attack and say everything that’s on your mind. This can help you lower stress and remain focused on what you need to do.
Really Think About it
You know your partner, you know who they are and what they are like. Do you think what you are overthinking is correct? Honestly? Because if it isn’t and you are just projecting those fears onto your partner because you have nowhere else to shove them, then you have to be the one to take action and stop yourself before it gets too much to handle.
Face the Fears You are Going Through
Want to know how to stop overthinking in a relationship? You need to face your fears head-on and recognise in the present moment why you are feeling the way you are and what that means for the relationship you are in now.
Do it Solo
Why are you overthinking this relationship? Why are you in a bad mood? Why are you afraid of a healthy relationship? All of these things need to be faced. As mentioned before, you may want to speak to a relationship expert, but if you feel like it is an issue with you, then it may be best to go it alone and focus on yourself.
They can help with relationship advice and get you to do a deep dive into your past relationships and why with this new person you are repeating patterns that you thought you had dealt with before.
Let Go of Negative Thinking
When one partner has negative thoughts projected onto the other, it can be hard to shake, so accepting that and talking it out, and focusing on more important things that require attention in a relationship can break that hold.
Romantic relationships are tricky, they can be hard to manage when root fears come out and even a healthy relationship can be shaken by overthinking. It is important to stop overthinking in a relationship so that both of you are able to be there for each other in a proactive way.
Just because a past relationship did not work out the way you wanted, or overthinking in a relationship has become second nature to you, you have to face the facts that it is not healthy and you may lose the person you love if you do not come to terms and offer up positive communication as well as practice giving them your trust.
Take a deep breath, the scary thoughts won’t last for long, and if you need help, get help, there is nothing to be ashamed of with that.